It's funny but even with the children simply asleep upstairs the house seems full in a way that it doesn't otherwise. Normally, I seem to just occupy spaces here and there moving from living room to kitchen to bedroom but never filling this big empty old building within which I live and it as if I am always waiting, never quite settled.
How strange this whole business of divorce is, to see someone, now quite occasionally, who you thought that you would spend the rest of your life with and who you loved.You still feel the weight of the absent Wedding ring upon your finger like some form of phantom limb and within you there is an absence too, it as if twenty years have simply gone missing though the gentle sounds of sleeping upstairs tell you that that time must have happened, that there was once a past in which she was there.
-
-
brokendownangel
Pro - 2009-03-07 @ 13:03:16
-
I think you are right to say that what is happening is in some sense a protection. I seriously never imagined that divorce and separation would happen to me and now that it has my mind, in part, protects me by just pretending that the present is all that there is. I still cannot look at photos of us all together, not only is it too painful but I look into her eyes and wonder for how long had she planned to do what she did. For how long was much of my life simply a lie that I was unaware of?
-
-
brokendownangel
Pro
- 2009-03-08 @ 17:55:24
Only she can answer that hun and i am not sure you would really want to know anyway. Your life in any case was never a lie - hers may have been, but not yours. Don't let her take the past away too.
-
-
-
-
- 2009-03-07 @ 16:54:51
x
i tend to sleep downstairs
it always reminds me of fri/sat nights and no school
plus its peacefull ~and i'm left alone to potter about through the night
without disturbing anyone
sometimes you can be with someone and still feel so alone
*hugs* x -
- 2009-03-07 @ 16:55:07
x
i tend to sleep downstairs
it always reminds me of fri/sat nights and no school
plus its peacefull ~and i'm left alone to potter about through the night
without disturbing anyone
sometimes you can be with someone and still feel so alone
*hugs* x -
- 2009-03-07 @ 16:56:09
ooops soz hit me mouse and bingo
2 posts
*div in i* -
- 2009-03-08 @ 11:07:25
Ghosts never die, Tim. And if you try to exorcise them they'll only get angry.
When I go in summer to my parents' house which now belongs to me, I expect to feel their presence. And I welcome it.-
I know they don't Anna, particularly as I am a man who has always looked to the past and not to the future.
I keep them at bay during the day but at night they sweep in through the cracks in the walls and under the doors and gather above my bedside as I sleep.
-
- 2009-03-11 @ 19:04:31
Aha! You've learned to post pictures too, you rascal!
I luuuuuve scary pictures.-
Well if you like scary pictures have you seen any of Simon Marsden's work?
http://www.simonmarsden.co.uk/intro.htm
-
- 2009-03-11 @ 19:25:18
No.
This one looks like a promise of something wonderous beyond that coffin lid of fog. Thrilling.
-
-
It's strange too, to look at a person, who once made you ache with longing and feel nothing of that passion at all anymore. I think the mind has a way of burying stuff so that it is hard to imagine a time when it was there but this enables us to move on. It would be far worse to live a life longing for someone who no longer wanted us wouldn't it?